It sneaks up on me when I read about another artist, usually someone I know, of a similar age to me, who has been included in a prestigious museum show or awarded a generous grant. I can't help wondering what they're doing that I'm not and why whatever it is has drawn such attention. Of course, everything that should assure me of my own accomplishments – the sold-out shows, the backlog of commissions, the critical acclaim – recede from view and pretty soon I find myself wallowing in irrational self-negation.At least there's an upside. These episodes don't last long and afterwards, I drive myself to work even harder, to think more deeply and with more complexity about what I am doing. As odd it might sound my art improves as a result of these flashes of inadequacy and envy, even if I'm left somewhat ashamed by them.