Friday, September 28, 2007

Insomnia

I have been sleeping badly. My body feels tired but as soon as I lie down, my mind becomes alert, over-active. I read until the early hours of the morning, then I finally fall asleep. When I wake, my jaw's clenched so tight I have a headache.
My mind is craving stimulation. Input, not output. It's been hard to paint but I've had some good ideas for future works and exhibitions. They come in a steady stream so I write each one down before its smothered by the next .
I sketch as well, small black scribbles – shapes, figures, shadows. They're like Rorschach ink blots spilled from my subconscious, nothing to do with future works, just obscure symbols of things that are bothering me. I don't want to show them to anyone. By getting them out of my head, they can exist and interact on a page, not haunt me inside my head. It gives me a sense of peace.

Maybe my sleeplessness has something to do with trying to stop these things from coming out in my artwork. I have to just let it all out. Otherwise, I'll only tear myself up inside.
With that small revelation, I might sleep better tonight.

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