Tuesday, August 04, 2009

My Law And Disorder

I'm not a disciplined person. Having bipolar affective disorder doesn't help but I suspect that even if I didn't have it, I'd still find any kind of predictable routine or structure uncomfortable or confining.
In order to be as successful as I have been, I've had to resign myself to a relentless internal conflict.
I impose on myself an unforgiving regimen that ensures a reasonable amount of work gets done (and not just in the studio) every week. At the same time, I struggle to resist the fast shifts of mood, stray impulses and occasional surrender to lethargy that conspire to erode it.
Most days, I achieve a precarious but productive balance. Some days I don't. Then, nothing at all gets done. When I fuck up, there are always plenty of good excuses. But I've learnt that cutting myself even a little slack makes it harder, not easier.

3 comments:

JenXer said...

It is a great show of strength that you can battle it without medication (or so I assume; forgive me if I'm wrong). I could never survive without drugging myself into oblivion.

elena said...

beautiful image

Rasul said...

wow. . .the conflict I get. The duality I sooo understand. beautiful words and visual.