Wednesday, November 11, 2009

L'Anno Che Verrá

After writing yesterday's entry, I decided to let my imagination run wild with some ideas about what might unfold for art and artists over the next ten years. These are the outtakes:
Artists will be the new pop stars. They'll have to tour constantly to promote their work as well as be subjected to the same sort of intrusive coverage by
paparazzi as Kid Rock or P. Diddy.
Bi-sexuality will continue to be trendy and Sam Taylor-Wood will dump her young husband to take up with an aging Megan Fox, whom she'll cast in a re-make of
The Hours.
After subjecting myself to Orlan-esque body modifications, I will become art's answer to Pamela Anderson – or Kim Kardashian, whichever.
In a reversal of a trend begun by Julian Schnabel and less successfully, Robert Longo, in the '80s and sustained by Sam Taylor-Wood until this year, film directors will aspire to become artists rather than the other way around (come on down, Tim Burton).
The mainstream audience will become increasingly art-savvy and Kevin McCloud will switch his attention from architects' and home-owners'
Grand Designs to their aspirations as collectors. Unfortunately for artists, they'll be more discerning and demand more depth, development and relevancy in the work they actually buy.
Due to the loss of rudimentary artisan skills, a tragic by-product of a thirty year emphasis on post-modern theory rather than traditional, centuries-old practice, art schools will become irrelevant and be replaced by free, widely distributed, web-based, autonomous learning resources. Artists will re-learn 15th century skills and techniques through [gasp!] experimentation, practise, online research, and by viewing work by fellow artists.
Artspeak
will only exist in academic libraries. The language died when a wider audience learned to translate it and discovered the banality of its messages. It will be studied by ethnologists as an anachronistic but doomed fad that owed its existence exclusively to conceptual art.
What used to be regarded as conceptual art will now be mainstream and the exclusive domain of advertising agencies desperate to try anything to reach mass audiences after the death of broadcast TV and newspapers.
Glossy art magazines will have replaced interior design magazines as the 'pornography' of the middle class, who will pay a premium to display them as paper editions on their Marc-Newson-for-Target coffee tables.
Takashi Murakami will become increasingly jaded as his ideas about democratising work are reduced to soul-less, auto-industry-style production lines. He will commit public
seppuku in the foyer of the Mori Art Museum in Roppongi (Tokyo) in a bid to restore his honour as an artist.
Damien Hirst will pre-sell by auction a range of artworks to be manufactured after his death. One of the works will be his dead, dissected body preserved in formaldehyde. He will organise a world-wide, touring retrospective exhibition featuring his decaying corpse as its centre-piece – to be launched immediately after he passes away.
E-Bay rather than Sotheby's will handle the Hirst auction and in conjunction with Matthew Freud and Jay Jopling, will hype the event to drive up prices: indeed, the works will be auctioned several times over, for massively increasing amounts, even before Hirst dies. He will retain ownership of a small percentage of each work so his estate might participate in the rising value forever.
Dames Tracey Emin and Germaine Greer will establish an arcane cult that worships and sexually enslaves young men. Neither will see any irony in this. An ancient Jeffrey Smart will be invited to preside as High Priest over annual rites at an undisclosed location in Tuscany.
(Thanks to Italian singer-songwriter, Lucio Dalla, for the title.)

17 comments:

Lesley Payne said...

Love your work and your outlook on the future!

Aaron B. Brown said...

Hey, I don't know what happened but I clicked on this blog post of yours, and then when I tried to leave a comment it disappeared. OK now it's back. Methinks me spies a perfectionist. :-)

If artists ever do become like pop stars, promise that you'll meet the paparazzi every morning with your shotgun and a bandolier of Magnum Turkey shot. That way you can blast them from say 30 yards and be sure of hitting every one of them with a nice peppering of #4 shot, which won't kill them but will certainly ruin their day and put nice little cracks in their expensive lens filters and flash gear. :-)

PS, I can't spell jack, so cut me some slack.

PPS Just heard Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN, thank you Jesus! One small step for media kind, one giant leap at the possibility of of a return to journalistic credibility for that organization, but I won't hold my breath.

Emma Kirsopp said...

"The language died when a wider audience learned to translate it and discovered the banality of its messages..." Halle - fucking - lujah!


Autonomous learning for old techniques? Did that with silverpoint earlier this year. Paying it forward now by putting together an artist's "cheat sheet" an easy reference and guide to techniques etc...

Aaron B. Brown said...

interesting coincidence that I was writing about shotguns in my comment while you were posting this piece.

Jennie Rosenbaum said...

ROFL! why can I see the Hirst one especially coming true?

Jason Barre said...

As I looked upon your watercolor piece in this post the words "Genius" past by my lips.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaha.
The D.H. one...
now that's funny!

-M

Caio Fernandes said...

i loved this work !!!
the work .

see you !!

Rick said...

Your blog is very well-written and cogent; I admire your pen, ink and wash endeavours too.

Nats@Hina's Apprentice said...

Classic! Looking forward to the Taylor-Wood/Fox couple. Promise that you'll never become a Pam Anderson or Kim Kardashian clone. I can definitely see your visions of Hirst's story coming true...
Love the kicks ass watercolour.

Mary Lawler said...

"replaced by free, widely distributed, web-based, autonomous learning resources. Artists will re-learn 15th century skills and techniques through [gasp!] experimentation, practice, online research, and by viewing work by fellow artists."

This is already happening in the Calligraphy world, where organized learning has all but disappeared.

Th D.H. thing? That's just hilarious. I hope he reads it but then again, maybe you'll be giving him ideas.

MinaLucia said...

Love this post. You write.."art schools will become irrelevant and be replaced by free, widely distributed, web-based, autonomous learning resources. Artists will re-learn 15th century skills and techniques through [gasp!] experimentation, practice, online research, and by viewing work by fellow artists." As a product of not one but two art degrees (I hear the groans of loans daily) I would say that it depends on the medium. For those of us using images / photo I think we are already there. Thank goodness. All I could think of while reading this post was of my first art love : Laurie Anderson and her Language is a Virus. Brilliant.

Objector Snark said...

Great essay. Now *that's* blogging.

Lisa Byrne said...

Sounds perfect. (along with a 6+ figure/yr income that you keep!)

Artstamers said...

Brilliant post and art,quite a scary thought about the paparazzi (not saying that will ever happen to me)but I dont want to be famous couldn't handle the photographs of me,I'll stay unheard of!

Anonymous said...

How do you know you're flying if you never touch the ground?

Hazel Dooney said...

I have not only touched the ground often, I have also crashed and burned more than most.