Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Bill And Ted Can Kiss My Art

When I discharged myself from a psychiatric clinic in Sydney, just a week ago, I made up mind to change nearly every aspect of how I lived and worked.
In some ways, it wasn't hard. I had lost my home and my studio. I had also been confronted by the unreliability of not only my family but also many personal friendships and professional relationships I had grown to trust. Ironically, it took madness, artistic failure and bankruptcy to deliver a stark reality check.
The life I have now is designed to be frangible – not just adaptable to sudden change but entirely disposable. A friend of mine calls it being 'chaos compliant'. Nothing is fixed. I live week to week in a small hotel and I rent my studio space by the month close by. I have no need of a car: the half a dozen city blocks I look out onto from my room contain everything I need, from art supplies, a gym and fresh sushi to DVD rentals and sex. I have a P.O. box number as a mailing address and an unlocked iPhone with a pre-paid SIM. I don't have a credit card so every transaction is in cash. Except, maybe, sex.
I can't wait to see what effect this less burdened, free-flowing context has on my work. I have a deep backlog of commissioned works to complete – as well as works I have to repaint because I defaced or burned them in a manic frenzy just before I was committed – but as I develop new routines and disciplines, I can't help feeling that my art is about to become a 'most excellent adventure'.

17 comments:

Picsie Chick said...

Wow. Thank you for letting us come along on this journey.

I'm sending you some fierce butterflies sporting some amazing colours, to keep you safe and well and creating!

And hugs, too
~T~

Aaron B. Brown said...

Come on, I know you don't have to pay for sex. :)

Kate said...

I can't help but wish you didn't have to bother about the backlog and could just get on with new stuff.

b/rood said...

No, Aaron, she doesn't have to pay for sex – but knowing Hazel as well as I do, I suspect that sometimes she would anyway, just for the hell of it. LOL!

JenXer said...

Sounds scary and exciting. Again I am thankful that you are willing to take us all along for the ride.

Neo said...

Haha, "except for, maybe, sex". Loved it.

Wow. I just love reading your writings, god, it's like first thing I do upon returning from Uni. You talk about "real" stuff, stuff that we all need to talk about but don't, for some shit excuse we keep silent.

Life, on the go. Or as you go. The whole idea of having a "secure " is a reflection of desperation or even deep insecurities when one doesn't believe in her/his talent. But you are different, of course, I can say so from your works, writings and the whole straightforwardness about some of the things we don't want to address openly.

You're, to me, hope, that there are people like yourself doing stuff that matters to you. Haha, I even talked to my mom y'day, if we ever move to Australia so that I can see some of your works in flesh. She said, Yes, maybe.
Oh well. :)

Happy to know you're figuring things out in a new way.

Fogbound said...

It's a new adventure, I'm sure a bit scary, yet exciting. And I'm sure you will do fine; you are focused on moving ahead. So I look forward, along with alot of other people, to what will develop creatively in the new direction of your life. You're a great person and will succeed.

Elizabeth said...

Most people are only willing to give you their loyalty when you fit in their box of expectation. If you don't fit in the box, you are left out. Why? Must feel like a punishment so you will conform to their standards. It has nothing to do with you because if it had, you have to live their life and not your own.

Enjoy your created freedom.

nathe said...

Do you do contra deals? Sex of art, sex for art and now art for sex!! Talk about simplifying things and cutting out the middleman! Or is that man in the middle?

Good to have you back Hazel.

Hazel Dooney said...

nathe, maybe it doesn't involve any man at all. LOL

Dawn Okoro said...

Well its good to hear that you are able to start fresh. It will be interesting to see how this shift works its way into your artwork in the coming months.

helen said...

thanks for telling your story.

Zian said...

As I read your words, I hear the voice of David Bowie saying 'Things needed to become essential again.' When his bubble burst, he lived in Berlin in one of those efficiency flats, with a kettle, a heater, and a bakery downstairs. And then went to work with Brian Eno.
The rest, as they say, is history. Madness is only the gateway to your natural genius - when you detach from the detritus of a modern life, you find out what really has meaning to you. Interesting, only tonight I was explaining to someone that artists don't really belong in the normal world. We're too busy observing and interpreting it from the outside, and delivering what we see through the reality of ourselves. And from that, I am expecting great things in your work. (No pressure though....hehe)

JD said...

Infinite possibilities await you...whatever it is you need will come from wherever it is in that moment.

Debra said...

Nice to have you back, Hazel. I look forward to seeing where your art and life takes you. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Carolyn said...

Hazel, you have the reliability of many fans and readers who support you, and the universe supports you too - may this cleansing of your life bring you much creativity, success and especially personal happiness!

Uncle Kokoe said...

A few comments...

I lived at a commune in rural Tennessee, USA for 4 years. My "room" consisted of a 30-year old one-room camping trailer about 10 feet long, 6 feet wide and 6 feet tall. I am more than 6 feet tall (and I am so American that I only measure in feet. Hmmm...)

I worked out in the world, on the road, as I still do. Some jobs last a year, but most last a week or less.

I did and still do have deposits of stuff here and there, and an office separate from where I sleep, which is mostly a place to catch mail.

It strikes me that the life of a road warrior has a lot in common with your new way.

Perhaps you have become a road warrior of the mind.
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I sometimes pay for sex for convenience. Small dose, my terms, no strings, exactly when I choose... I often pay for a sex venue as sex clubs or "bath houses" are places where gays gather...