Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hard Drive

Notice of my imminent release from the clinic has resuscitated my libido.
It revived suddenly, a hot rush of longing and wetness. I felt like a prisoner who'd been in for a long stretch. I couldn't help thinking about who I'd do – and how – when I got out. A relentless, vivid mash-up of sexual memories welled up from my subconscious:
not-so-straight couplings enhanced with glass and silicon sex toys, strap-ons, latex, oils, ice cubes, food, fists, tongues, cocks, breasts and bodily fluids.
The day I get out, I'm going to check into a hotel for a couple of days and have everything I've imagined sent up to my room.
A raging libido is a reliable signal that I'm ready to make art again. Sex isn't apparent in the drawings and paintings I've been working on recently but it's still an urgent inspiration. Its elemental sensations run like a hot wire down my spine and radiate out to my pelvis. Insidiously seductive but raw, confronting and difficult to contain or control, they're a physical expression of the unrestrained, messy emotional responses I want to provoke with my work.
The best sex – and the best art – is expelled from the subconscious and leaves one with nowhere to hide. At its most intense, my libido is pure energy: not just sexual but physical, emotional, intellectual, and creative. It inflames my curiosity and compels me to be, quite literally, open to everything.
I'm relieved to have it back.

7 comments:

L Byrne said...

Hazel
A medication I use completely killed my (otherwise healthy) libido. Reading this made me cry and want to toss them out the f*ng window! Thanks for the reminder of what it's like to feel. Will call my docs now.

Take care.

Lisa

Fogbound said...

Sounds like you've struck on a sure sign of recovery. Enjoy yourself and your coming out! Let this aliveness flow into your art once again. I'm looking forward to seeing what you produce once you get back in the groove.

Jane Slingo said...

Yay Hazel, I can't wait to see new art coming from you in this space.

Martha A. Wade said...

that watercolor is so erotic and hottt!

Princess Rashid said...

Good for you. Room service.. indeed.... Enjoy yourself!

Bingo said...

i get that fire....

Uncle Kokoe said...

When I recovered from my pneumonia, I noticed the return of my sex drive just before discharge. I was physically much weaker than you are, but the mental shift was similar. From internal healing to a hunger to engage.