Thursday, April 22, 2010

Back In The World

As the end of my first week out of hospital draws near, I am still somewhat dizzied by how much I've gotten done. I have a room I like in a hotel at the heart of one of my favorite inner-city neighbourhoods. I have a new studio and a clear plan for the work I'll undertake in it over the next several months. I have begun to reconnect with my collectors.
Failure still haunts the edges of my subconscious but I'm no longer worried about the future. I have just enough money for my immediate needs. And I'm allowing myself the time and solitude to rediscover the untrammeled joy of exploring new directions for my art. I read. I sketch. I scribble notes to myself on scraps of paper. (I slide them edgeways into the frame around a mirror in my bedroom and glance at them whenever I get stuck for an idea. Often they're nothing more than a shopping list or a title of a book I want. "Record Tilda Swinton's Derek tonight," one reminds me, although my room has neither a digital recorder nor cable TV.)
At night I sleep lightly. I'm tired – two hours every evening at the gym ensure it – but I'm excited, too. I listen to voices echoing from the street below and the soft thump and moans of a couple fucking in the bed on the other side of the wall behind my bedhead. Flashes of red, blue, orange and white reflect from storefront neon signs to form kaleidoscopic patterns on the ceiling. Disjointed images of art I've imagined but have yet to make unspool, like frames of 35mm celluloid film, in the middle of my head.
I'm impatient for another day to begin.


Fogbound said...

Sounds like life is moving on and you are going in the right direction. There is a sense of peace and settledness in what you write, as well as anticipation. Be creative- you have so much to offer in your art as well as in your life as you get settled in your new location. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Annie Paul said...

Welcome back! Look forward to reading your day to day progress...well perhaps not day to day but you know what i mean...

Anonymous said...

Just a note:
If you label your posts (if you do, then would you be willing to make them visible?), it would be way more easy to navigate through your archives, so that I can find many answers. :)

Or better yet, put a search field somewhere so one can find stuff they want to look up rather than having to go through the whole archives.


Hannah said...

The outer world is merely a reflection of the inner (said w/o judgment.) Perhaps the definition of an artist is one who openly shares the shades of darkness our human journey at times entails.

Most people are too uncomfortable to examine the shadows, nevermind share what they've seen there. Your art is powerful because you dare to show/say what most won't.

Glad to see your journey brought you back to the "light" again so you can continue to share with us. You inspire things you can't imagine.

Anonymous said...

The Chinese definition of the word "crisis": a dangerous opportunity.

I have been in your position. 8 weeks in a psyche ward. I hope your recovery is a speedy one.


Anonymous said...

Nice descriptions of the world around you. I really like this line, it's a great feeling to have:

"I'm impatient for another day to begin."