Saturday, June 26, 2010
An Uncertain Journey
I haven't felt like writing lately.My father has been in hospital for several weeks, fighting the latest round in what has become a long, hard and maybe losing battle with cancer. I have temporarily relocated to Brisbane from Sydney so I can spend time with him. It's a selfish act. I cling to a frayed thread of hope that he will recover but I'm also acutely aware that our time together is limited. I want to savour whatever is left.I'm still working. And yet things have changed for me – and are still changing – in ways I could never have predicted. It's confusing, heartbreaking, revelatory and a thousand other things for which I have no name.Usually, I would process this maelstrom of emotions and observations – both beautiful and horrific – in my work. But right now I don't want to paint or draw or photograph anything to do with my life. It hurts too much and it makes it all undeniably real. This will change. It's inevitable. I make art in order to function. I make art as a way of purging thoughts, feelings, visions and memories from my head and to give myself some relief. At some point, I will make art about this time. What I don't know is if I'll ever show it to anyone.