Monday, August 23, 2010

100 Things You Still Don't Know About Me, Final

76. I was born on the same date as Alain Robbe-Grillet, Roman Polanski, Aphex Twin and Frances Bean Cobain. Honoré de Balzac died on this date.
77. I collect modern sexual aids. I have over 50. I've used them all, often, and not just on myself.
78. I loathe ball-point pens and biros. I use a dip-pen and Noodler's Shah's Rose ink to sign legal and business documents and autographs.
79. I have a phobia of dying in a car that someone else is driving. Being a passenger scares me so much that I throw up (I say I'm carsick).
80. I bake amazing vanilla cupcakes with icing made from fresh raspberries, sugar and butter. My favourite taste is fresh raspberry pulp, strained so there are no seeds. I hate to admit it but I have a sweet tooth.
81. My favourite winter fabric is very fine cashmere; in summer, raw silk.
82. I don't believe in psychiatry or psychology anymore. I don't take prescription medication for my bipolar disorder or undergo 'holistic' therapy. I just exercise hard and make art to stay sane.
83. My body is hard-wired to my emotions. I don't so much blush as break out in a livid rash when I'm impassioned, upset or angry. My skin blanches and becomes almost transparent when I'm in shock. I throw up when I'm anxious and faint when it all gets too much. My pupils dilate to the size of a 50-cent coin when I'm happy, excited or aroused. I tremble visibly when I'm upset or I'm about to orgasm or assault someone. Occasionally, all these happen at once.
84. The only contemporary artwork that moves me is Hirst's A Thousand Years. (Hirsts's titles are better than his art. My favourites are The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living and I Want to Spend the Rest of My Life Everywhere, with Everyone, One to One, Always, Forever, Now.)
85. Now matter where I am, I sleep holding a pillow.
86. I had my tongue pierced when I was in my teens. I thought it'd be sexy but it made kissing and licking clumsy and gave me a lisp. After I removed it, the first thing I did was buy an icecream.
87. I am a spelling snob. It irks me when people don't appear to know the difference between 'you're'/'your', 'then'/'than' and 'lose'/'loose' or when to insert an apostrophe in 'its'.
88. I don't have a single favourite colour but several – and very particular hues of each: hot pink, sage green, powder blue, pure orange, faded red, camel and mid grey are among them.
89. The one place in the world to which I would be happy never to return is Slacks Creek, a suburb of Brisbane (and yes, the name says it all). I wasn't just a misfit there; I was hated for all of the things I liked about myself. I can't think of a single positive thing to say about the place.
90. I am very self-conscious about my skin. My chest is covered in tiny white scars where I've compulsively scratched and picked at the skin over the years. I'm embarrassed that the problem is psychological, not dermalogical.
91. If pressed for a favorite among all my works, it would be one of my earliest watercolours, The Descent. It's the one work I feel is in a language entirely my own.
92. I have a good knowledge of the history of torture. I'm amazed and appalled by our imaginative capacity, untempered throughout history, for horrific cruelty.
93. The first hardcore porn' flick I ever watched starred Jenna Jameson. The first porn' to turn me on was of women squirting during orgasm. They looked genuinely aroused. I used to think female ejaculation was a myth – or faked. It was fun to discover for myself, later, that it was just down to technique. I also used to think that anal sex, fisting and double penetration looked excruciating. Now I know they aren't.
94. I've had sex with seventeen people, five of whom were women. My first experience with a man was so bad that I couldn't kiss or touch anyone else for three years. My first experience with a woman was an entirely different matter.
95. If I fantasize about anyone it's the original Aeon Flux: sexy, amoral (yet with convictions), complex, intelligent, dangerous and vulnerable
96. I dislike adult men wearing shorts. They look like overgrown schoolboys. The older they are, the worse they look.
97. I love music television. My favourite clips are Busta Rhymes' Gimme Some Mo, Christopher Walken dancing to Fatboy Slim's Weapon Of Choice, Aphex Twin's full length Window Licker, Liar by the Rollins Band and all those featuring big-bootied black women dancing – as in Outkast's The Way You Move (MTV Version). Music videos are like Andy Warhol's movies: best when played in the background as you're doing something else.
98. I never travel without watercolour paints, cold-pressed paper, lead pencils, sharpener, eraser, a bound journal, fountain pen, a 15" Apple MacBook Pro with a USB wireless modem, and a tethered iPhone. I also pack my favorite cosmetics, skin and hair care products, and a small bottle of Chanel Cristalle eau de parfum.
99. My constant companion is a very small, shaggy, black dog (I think it's a silky terrier crossed with poodle). And yes, there's a metaphor in there somewhere.
100. I never wanted to be an artist. I simply discovered I was.

5 comments:

Shannon said...

Perhaps it's a dumb question but what is cold pressed paper? It makes me think of my favorite summer time cold pressed coffee.

talkabout_this said...

Marvelous revelations. I'm sure not half of what people don't know about me is even half as interesting as yours.

Late Happy Birthday.

dgcasey said...

As for spelling, how about "were/we're/where" and "there/their/they're?" I know exactly how you feel.

Jennifer said...

Hi Hazel - It may be none of my business and I've just started to follow you, but could your bipolar actually be hypoglycemia? They have many of the same symptoms. Including depression and crying.

Best Wishes, Jennifer

Sarah said...

You are a wonderful writer!