Thursday, February 17, 2011

Art Saves

"Art saved me; it got me through my depression and self-loathing, back to a place of innocence."
Jeanette Winterson
I hadn't realised just how corrosive grief could be until this week. Like some dark, insidious poison, it had dripped into my heart so gently that I hadn't noticed – until I was brought to my knees by a sharp sliver of anguish piercing my chest. I cried hard and long, then I became inconsolably angry.
I haven't fully recovered. I still work every day in order to maintain the hard-won routine that keeps me sane. But while my mind and body are in it – it's times like these I'm thankful for the almost mechanical tedium of my technique in enamel – my heart is not. My heart is broken. I am wracked with confusion and ill-formed regrets.
A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to cope. I am stronger now – and much more determined. I bear the pain with as much stoicism as I can muster: no drugs, no drink, no refuge in a lover's arms. I focus on the one thing that has enabled me to survive a decade and a half of an adulthood assailed by psychological and emotional tumult: my art.

8 comments:

Stefan Maguran said...

I admire your strength very much.

Cynthia k. Agathocleous said...

Hazel, I admire your courage and work! Warm thoughts your way...

leslie herger said...

it's the hard work of art that saves.

Karen Martin Sampson said...

Sending a big hug long distance. You have great courage.

Remittance Girl said...

I've always thought of creativity as a cyclical process of self-evisceration and rebuilding. Without wounds, there's no possibility of creatively forging the scar tissue.

I think you're doing brilliantly.

Amanda said...

it has been the process to walk me through the times since last Ausugt when my Dad died. Something to give my attention to to help me keep on waking up ans getting up.

Debra said...

Our work not only keeps the mind in a creative and soothing place, it also heals wounds as time passes. Keeping fit with some variation of physical activity, as well as a creative outlet, has sustained me through hell and back many times. All the best to you, Hazel. You are doing great!

J Burton said...

Only time can heal some wounds. In the meanwhile the making of art, with its demand for immersive engagement can provide respite. It has done it for me more than once...